You'll Always Be My Girl
by GrittyRe-boot
Summary: Oneshot: She was never a part of his plan, he was never a part of hers, but once they found each other nothing else made sense, or ever would again.


A/N: This oneshot begins about two years after the events of season two, which I missed about four episodes of, so if I get anything wrong, please let me know. Also, I hope everyone is okay with the way I decided to approach this story, which is basically a series of scenes set a certain amount of time apart from one another, most of them centered on an important conversation between two or more characters. Shouldn't be too challenging to fill in the holes, trying to add more exposition made me like the story less for some reason.

**Extreme circumstances**

He shouldn't have let it happen, he knew that, he always knew it. She was never a part of the plan. It wasn't that he didn't notice her in that way, it was difficult not to, Oliver Queen had met more than his fair share of beautiful women, still, there was something about Felicity Smoak that struck him every time he saw her. Her beautiful, dimpled smile, her long blonde hair that she only occasionally freed from her trademark ponytail like an unexpected treat every now and again, her sparkling blue eyes framed by horn rimmed glasses, her perfect mouth that she so shockingly pressed against his for the first time that night he found her in the foundry, hours after she was supposed to have gone home.

She came back, or she had never left with Dig, he wasn't sure which, and she'd clearly been crying most of the night. Her hands were still shaking as he held them in his, cold, so unlike the warm, soft, still hands he had gotten used to holding in what he'd always made sure was a friendly way.

"I couldn't sleep," she told him, her voice thick with tears," I kept seeing his face in my head."

He was against Dig giving her the gun at first, but after too many close calls, too many instances where he could have lost her, he allowed it, she needed a way to protect herself, and reaching his level of hand to hand combat expertise would take years. The deeper she got, the more difficult it became to keep her safe, and keeping her safe was more important to him than even he realized sometimes. He never really thought she would have to use it, it was for truly extreme circumstances, the kind that befell her that night. She had no other choice, if she wouldn't have pulled the trigger she would have died, and not even Oliver could be everywhere at once.

"Is this what it was like for you?" she asked, her voice still shaky and hoarse. "The first time you killed someone?"

"You didn't have a choice," he assured her.

"I know... I know I didn't," she said, swiping at her stray tears. "It's just, how many situations am I going to find myself in where I don't have a choice Oliver?"

"Felicity, tonight was... an extreme circumstance." He said.

"My hands won't stop shaking," she said, pulling them away from his. "I was in the shower for like three hours and I can still smell his blood on me," she continued. "I've watched so many people die, but to actually be the one... it just feels so..."

"It changes you," he said, breaking the silence. And he couldn't help but swallow hard at the thought of her changing. She didn't ask for any of this, she didn't ask to become this person. She deserved better, better than this, better than him. Still, he could never bring himself to give her an out, to offer her another choice... until that moment.

"You don't have to do this Felicity," he said abruptly, his own voice breaking. "Any of this. You told me from the beginning that you were in this to save Walter, and you did, we did it together, but now...

Her eyes settled on him as he trailed off, going wide in contemplation.

"If you want out, you're out," he continued. "No protests, no guilt. You've already given so much and I've been so focused on my own crusade that I haven't taken the time to consider what it's doing to you."

"What are you saying?" she said, her voice a little stronger. "Are you, are you firing me?"

"No, never," Oliver insisted. "Everything you've done for me, I could never repay you, but all of this, if it's too much, I understand, I do."

"No Oliver," She said, shaking her head vigorously. "I killed a man tonight, and it was by a significant margin the worst moment of my life, but I don't blame you, or what we do for the way I feel right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm just... being dramatic," she said, not entirely convincingly. "This could have happened to anybody, it could have happened to some convenience store clerk trying to foil a robbery, it could have happened to a dad during a home invasion," she said, still crying. "I hate that it happened to me, but it doesn't mean I'm questioning the life I've chosen. I'm proud of the life I've chosen."

He smiled warmly at her at the words and reached up to thumb a tear away from her pink, puffy cheek. He knew she wasn't being entirely truthful, but he couldn't muster up the will to try to convince her anymore.

"And I'm proud of you Oliver," she continued before wrapping her arms around his neck. She let him hug her back, tightly and solidly as she cried into his neck.

"It's okay, you're okay," He whispered softly into her hair.

"I will be," she said. "Eventually," and at that she broke the hug, pulling back just a little, letting him swipe another tear from her face. She smiled a little then, it had been only a few hours but he had still began to fear that he'd never see that smile again. He smiled back, he had trained himself tirelessly to not let anything past him, to notice everything, but somehow he didn't realize that his hand was still on her cheek, that her hands, finally still, were twisted in the fabric of his shirt, that her smile had fallen into a nervous, wide-eyed stare, and he couldn't place the exact moment her lips met his. The softness of her mouth against his, the taste of her, salty with tears and just a little bit sweet, he couldn't have it, it wasn't worth the risk, he'd told himself time and again, he tried to tell himself again as she kissed him, but before he could gather the sense to end it, she ended it first.

"Oh god," Felicity exclaimed nervously as she ended the kiss almost as soon as it began. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I don't know why I did that , it was so stupid, my mind is just in a million different places right now and I mean, we're... you're... I'm sorry, I-

But before she could finish her ramble he took her by the shoulders and pulled her back in, kissing her again, not wanting to stop, abandoning every bit of caution he'd worked so hard to maintain, because right then, if just for a moment, it was worth it.

**Unspoken**

They could all tell she'd been a little off lately, she could tell that they could tell. Granted, her cyber detective skills were as strong as ever, but she hadn't exactly been her adorable, endearingly awkward self the last couple of days, and she knew that the hurried trips upstairs had been getting more noticeable. She needed to tell Oliver, or anyone for that matter, her mind was one of the more powerful tools on team Arrow, still, she had trouble wrapping it around the situation at hand, and it was getting harder to keep their suspicions at Bay.

"Felicity, have you had any luck tracing that shipment yet?" Oliver asked as he descended into the foundry. She could hear him talking, on some level she even knew his words were directed at her, yet whatever response he was seeking was lost in the fog of her mind.

"Felicity!" he exclaimed, making her jump a little before turning to face him.

"What?" She asked, vacantly.

"Hey," Oliver said gently as he kneeled down to be eye level with her, looking at her with affection and worry, placing his hands on her thighs. "Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"Is it really that obvious that something's wrong?" Felicity said nervously.

"Yes," Roy and Dig said simultaneously, taking a brief pause from their boxing session.

"I guess I'm just a little tired, didn't sleep well last night," she lied. "The shipment," she continued, quickly changing the subject. "It was orchestrated by one Edwin Fage, a current employee of Kord Industries."

"Wait, since when does Kord Industries manufacture deadly weapons?" Oliver asked incredulously.

"We don't know that they are, just that one or more particularly shady employees are using the companies resources to build and supply them to some very bad people," Dig explained.

"Sounds plausible," Felicity said, although she only grasped about one or two words, she could feel her hands sweating, that familiar lurch in her stomach, it was happening again, she just hoped she could keep it at bay long enough.

"Okay," Oliver said with a deep sigh. "I have some calls to make, you guys stay on your toes, it may be a busy night." Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, go, go thwart crime," She said with a weak smile.

She exhaled sharply in relief as he once again disappeared upstairs. "God, I thought he'd never leave." And at that she grabbed the closest waste basket, nearly collapsing over it as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

"Jesus Christ," Roy said, shocked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she assured them, wiping her mouth as she righted herself. "Peachy."

Dig remained quiet as he approached her, a cold bottled water in hand. It made her shrink a little in her seat, she knew that look, that "I know exactly what's going on here and you better not try to hide it" look that Dig always wore so confidently.

"So," he said humorlessly, pressing the cold water to her clammy forehead. "Are you ever planning on telling him that you're pregnant?"

"Wait, you're pregnant? How do you know she's pregnant?" Roy said a bit frantically.

"I have a kid of my own," Dig explained, shrugging. "I know morning sickness when I see it."

She sighed a little in defeat. "Don't worry, I'm going to tell him, I know how much he hates it when people hide his illegitimate children from him."

"So it's his, god I knew it, I knew you two were getting it on," Roy said amusedly.

"Oh please, we all know," Dig said.

"It's okay, I'm well aware that you all know, it's been going on for six months now, not even Thea can remain in the dark for that long," Felicity said. They weren't a couple, or at least not officially, she knew how much being with her scared him sometimes, how much the thought of getting too close to anyone who could get hurt because of him made him lie awake at night. But it was evident from the first moment they kissed, and he pressed her against the desk as she pulled his shirt up over his head and sighed into his ear as he attacked her neck with hot kisses and she took him into the warmth of her willing body the way she so often fantasized about, she couldn't let him go, she wouldn't. There were no labels, no I love yous, no complications, but there was nobody else either, for him or for her. She allowed things to go unspoken, because he needed it that way, but everything they felt together made words unnecessary. In this case though, words would have to enter the equation eventually.

"What am I going to do Diggle?" Felicity said. He smiled warmly then, that surprisingly comforting smile she loved so much as he sat next to her.

"You're going to tell him the truth, and he's going to freak out," Dig said, making her groan a little. "But he'll get over it, and you'll have a nice little sit down, and you'll figure this thing out, because Ollie loves you."

"You really think he loves me?" she said softly.

"You're the smartest girl I've ever met Felicity Smoak, I think you can figure that one out."

"We may have bigger problems than we thought," Oliver said as he appeared downstairs a few moments later. "I just got off the phone with Fage's former assistant and-"

"I'm pregnant," Felicity blurted, shooting up from her chair before he could finish, making him stop short.

"Not exactly what I had in mind Felicity," Diggle said under his breath.

"Yeah," Felicity continued. "I took one of those pee stick thingies, actually, more like twelve, and they all said pretty much the same thing so I went to a doctor to confirm it and she, well, confirmed it. That was about three days ago which seems like a long time to go without telling you but when you think about it, it's actually the shortest amount of time any of your family members or loved ones have kept important information from you, and considering the circumstances, including what exactly we're going to do with a baby when we spend most of our nights in exceedingly dangerous circumstances I'm sure you understand my circumstances, I don't usually use the word circumstances quite this much my vocabulary is actually pretty sophisticated, but of course you know that. Anyway, that's what's happening with me, sorry, you can say your thing now."

Silence had never been quite that loud before.

**Firsts**

"Marry me," he whispered into her ear, his voice husky. He could run for miles on end with her in his arms, but the simple act of making love to her still made his breath just a little more labored, but he figured it was more than the physical activity that did it.

"Oliver," she chuckled, rolling her eyes and pushing him softly off of her. "You're just in panic mode right now, you've been in panic mode for the last four months."

"I'm not in panic mode Felicity," He insisted, pulling her naked body into his arms, kissing her bare shoulder, placing a firm hand on the slight roundness of her belly. "I'm serious."

"Please, we're not even a couple. We stop bad guys and then we have sexy time, and that may be the dream for someone who read as many comic books in high school as I did-

"And still do," he teased, making her elbow him a little.

"But it's not exactly a relationship," She continued. "And I'm fine with that, I am, I don't need you to marry me to prove that you're going to be there for our daughter."

"Felicity-

"Can we not talk about this?"

"Babe I missed the first seven years of my son's life," he said seriously, making her eyes focus back on him. "I see him once a week and he still calls me Oliver. Or Ollie when he's feeling particularly affectionate. I don't want that with our baby."

"Oliver, who exactly do you think I am?" Felicity asked him sharply. "What makes you think I would ever keep you away from our kid, or leave you for that matter?"

"I'm just saying I want to do things right this time," He explained. "And I want to make sure you're both taken care of if something ever happens to me."

"Thea would make sure of that," Felicity argued, knowing now not to naively protest whenever he pulled the 'I could die at any time card' because as much as it pained her to admit it, it was true.

"We just got Thea back," Oliver protested further. "I don't want to put something like that on her shoulders, she's fragile."

"Really, because I saw her launch an arrow through a man's left testicle three days ago, and yes she was specifically aiming for the left one." she said with a grin. "It's a little troubling just how often she aims for the groin but aside from that I'd say she's fine."

"Felicity, can we be serious for a second?" Oliver said firmly.

"I am being serious," she shot back. "There are only a handful of people who even know about us, we hide it to protect me and I'm okay with that, but I don't think I want to attempt hiding a marriage."

"I don't think it's going to be that hard," he assured her. "I mean, all of your coworkers think some random guy knocked you up."

"This just keeps getting more romantic," she teased.

"Felicity," he started, getting frustrated.

"You're seriously taking commitmentphobia to startling new levels."

"I just proposed to you," he argued.

"You asked me to marry you in secret Oliver," Felicity argued back. "Like some sort of shady underground deal, I halfway expect a dark hooded figure to burst through the door shouting 'Oliver Queen, you have failed this proposal!'"

"That is not what I sound like," he quipped, mocking her exaggerated growl.

He knew what he was saying didn't make any sense, and that Felicity was too smart to go for any of it, the truth was he hadn't even considered proposing until that night, when he saw her waiting for him, Her face once again so relieved that he was okay, full of love, the same love that he could never admit he felt for her so strongly because it terrified him to love her, to need her, to want a life with her and their daughter. He'd resigned completely from wanting any of those things anymore, but life, as it so often did, refused to consider his plans.

"Why do you want to marry me Oliver?" Felicity asked him seriously. "And tell me the truth, the whole truth."

He swallowed hard at her question, knowing that he couldn't hold onto the truth anymore, couldn't let it go unspoken another moment. Even if she knew wholeheartedly how he felt about her.

"I love you," he said honestly. Her eyes didn't go wide at the admission, it wasn't a surprise, she knew he loved her, but still, hearing him say it made her smile in a way that made him feel warm inside. "And not just in a territorial, protective sort of way, I'm in love with everything that you are."

She kissed him softly then, stroking the stubble on his cheek with her soft hand. "I'm in love with you too Oliver Queen. You know, it's not every day the first I love you comes after the proposal."

"Second 'I love you,'" he reminded her.

"The first one didn't count, you were just trying to trick Slade."

"If you say so," he responded casually.

**Miss Moneypenny and Bond**

It may have been the best night of her life. Growing up she didn't spend quite as much time fantasizing about her wedding as she suspected other girls did, aside from Chewbacca officiating she didn't have any specific plans, but still, she could safely say any fantasy she could have mustered up would have been put to shame by the reality. There was something so right about it all, marrying Oliver in the empty mansion with only Thea, Roy, and Lyla for witnesses and Dig using his ordained ministry to make things official. Team Arrow was the only family she needed anymore. She tried not to fall asleep as she happily watched Oliver and Thea dance, carrying a human for six months was about as draining as it always sounded, and it was knocking on three in the morning, but she had more than enough energy to smile wistfully at them every time they glanced in her direction, and moreso as Thea parted from her brother and joined Felicity at the table.

"I just married your brother," Felicity said, sounding a bit drunk although she hadn't had a drop of alcohol that night.

"I know, I was there," Thea said with her typical sass.

"Is that okay?" Felicity continued. "I know Laurel is pretty much a sister to you at this point."

"Well, I have two sisters now," Thea said sweetly. "Besides, tonight isn't about Laurel, it's about you, and how absolutely beautiful you look tonight."

She had to admit the off the shoulder dress Thea helped her to pick out was beautiful, soft pink satin that draped like liquid over her extra curves, and she'd never forget Oliver's face when he saw her in it, like he was falling in love all over again.

"I never thought I would be one of those women who would walk down the aisle with a baby bump," Felicity said self-deprecatingly.

"Does anyone?" Thea teased.

"You must have never been to Nevada," Felicity joked back.

"Okay, no more chit chat, time for my wife to dance with me," Oliver said brightly, taking her hands in his.

"How do you still have this much energy?" Felicity groaned.

"I get a lot of exercise," he replied, sweeping her into his arms, making her laugh out loud.

"I can't believe it," Felicity said as he slowed, beginning to sway her gently to the song. "You're married."

"Yeah, to you," Oliver said, with a smirk.

"And to think, a year ago I was basically your Moneypenny."

"Moneypenny?" Oliver asked, knitting his brow a little.

"You know, the one girl you'd never consider actually sleeping with?"

"First of all, I considered it plenty," Oliver started. "Second, exactly how big of a manwhore do you think I am?"

"The biggest," she teased. "I'm sorry, that was mean, I'm very tired."

"It's okay, I forgive you," He said. "You know, I always had this theory about James Bond."

"What's that?"

"After all was said and done, Moneypenny was the one he ended up with."

"I like that theory," Felicity said warmly.

**The Storm After The Calm**

He felt sick, crazed, furious. His eyes burned with tears and his lungs burned from running, but he couldn't stop, getting to her was the only thing that mattered. She stayed in the safety of the foundry ever since finding out about the baby, no more field work, no more risks, still, they got to her somehow. He knew it wasn't an accident, he heard her panicked voice in his ear as she drove to the foundry. She was being followed, she said. He kept talking as he ran, abandoning his mission for the night. Edward Selby could wait, Felicity couldn't. He warned her not to stop as she drove to the foundry, swore he would be there waiting for whoever dared threaten her, but she didn't make it there, he knew she didn't make it there because he heard the crash, heard her desperate screams followed by silence.

He couldn't take the time to panic, or cry or anything but keep running, he knew the five different routes she took, and he knew the one she was taking that night, he could find her, he could still save her... he could still save them both.

It didn't take long to get there, the police hadn't even arrived, but it felt like hours.

"Felicity!" he cried as he raced to the overturned car, pulling her limp body out as quickly yet gently as he could.

"Felicity, baby, look at me, talk to me please!" he pleaded with her desperately, but she didn't respond. Her head was bleeding, she wasn't moving, she didn't even appear to be breathing, and whoever was responsible had fled before he could get there. "Felicity please, please talk to me," he cried. "Please wake up."

Still nothing.

"What happened here?" Dig said as he ran up to them, he must have been taking the same route, Oliver didn't even notice him pull up.

"They ran her off the road," Oliver cried.

"Who?" Dig asked.

"I don't know," Oliver said. "But we need to get her out of here, we need to get her to a hospital. They had a no hospitals policy, even for Felicity, but there was no choice, this was beyond Dig's abilities.

"I'll take her," Dig said, sweeping her up into his arms, Oliver followed, hurrying out of his green hood as they made their way to the car. As they raced there, Oliver in the backseat, his Felicity in his arms, he whispered over and over again, his lips against her ear, his hand gently stroking her bloody hair.

"Be okay, please sweetheart, please, please be okay."

**Caged**

She was bored, beyond bored, and being bored made it a lot easier to remember that she was also sad, that she had been ever since she woke up, confused, groggy, half her hair shaved off and no baby inside of her. She didn't blame Oliver for keeping her away from the foundry, he hadn't been the same since that day either, or she supposed the entire two weeks she had been out for that matter. Still, being cooped up in the mansion for days at a time was taking its toll.

"What are you up to now?"

The sound of his voice at the end of the day always made her smile, even when she was certain she'd forgotten how.

"Trying to hack into the Pentagon," she explained casually, not taking her eyes off of her laptop screen.

"Could you do that before?" He asked, joining her on the bed.

"Nope," she replied, shrugging.

"Hmm, you know, I'm liking this hair," he said, pressing his lips against the wispy brown fringe curling just below her ear. Having to shave the rest of it off to even it out was plenty upsetting, but she didn't mind the cute pixie cut it had grown into in the two months following the crash, it was the memory problems, mood swings and sporadic headaches that were the real pain in the ass. Her neurologist said there was a good chance they'd lessen over time, she just wished she knew how much.

"Oliver, she said softly as he continued to pepper kisses along her neck and shoulder. "What do you think about me going back to work?"

At the words he stopped, meeting her gaze once before looking away again.

"I think... Queen Consolidated would be happy to have you back," he said, smiling a bit uneasily.

"Oliver," she said softly, cupping his scruffy face, making him look her in the eye. "You know that's not what I mean."

"I know," he said thickly. "And, I really don't think it's a good idea."

"You know I'm still more than capable of doing everything I did before, you know that. The knowledge is all there, it just takes a little longer to access these days."

"I know you can do it Felicity," he agreed. "That's not what I'm worried about."

"I know why you're scared," she still remembered that night so clearly, the fear that she'd never see her husband again, that he'd never meet their daughter, and although only one of those fears came true, that night still haunted her, and she knew deep down that it always would, but she couldn't hide from it, and neither could he.

"You're not?" Oliver said, raising his voice slightly. "Malcolm Merlyn's thugs tried to kill you Felicity, they-

"Killed our baby," she said, her voice breaking, and she saw the way his jaw tightened at the words, she knew he didn't like to think about it, neither did she, but it couldn't be avoided. "They killed our little girl Oliver, don't you think I want to bring them down just as much as you do?"

"I know," he replied, pulling her into his arms, she didn't even realize that she was crying until he swiped away a fresh tear. "I know you do, but keeping you safe is more important than vengeance Felicity, I can't lose you too, I can't."

He never cried in front of her, but she could tell when he wanted to, when he was one step away from letting it go. She kissed him, deeply and firmly, letting him taste her tears as he swallowed his own.

"Oliver," she said, breaking the kiss. "I can't stay in this mansion forever."

"I don't want to keep you trapped," He said. "I just... want to keep _you_."

She kissed him again, harder, quickly unbuttoning his shirt, needing to feel his skin against her skin, she got to work on his belt next, he didn't protest, he never did. She didn't know if it was the brain trauma making her behave more impulsively, but she found herself in that place all the time, fighting with him one minute - usually over something ridiculous like moving her favorite mug, because she got frustrated so much more easily - and tearing his clothes off the next, but she didn't fight it, it was the only response she didn't work harder to rein in, because even if everything wasn't slightly screwed up upstairs, she'd still need him, every inch of him.

He was gentler as he pulled her top up over her head, no bra beneath it. She let out a soft sigh as he kissed her bare breasts and lowered her onto the pillows.

"We're not done talking about this," Oliver insisted as slid himself into her.

"I know," she replied, digging her fingers into his strong back, feeling his scars beneath her small hands as she took him in deeper. "I just, I need you so bad right now Oliver."

"I'm here," he replied, pulling out and pushing back in with practiced grace "I'm right here."

"Am I okay?" she panted. "I mean, you think I'm going to be okay?"

"I think you're perfect," he replied, kissing her neck hungrily. "I think you're beautiful."

"I'm a mess," she replied. "But you love me right?"

"I love you," he agreed. She'd never get tired of hearing him say it.

**Broken**

It was exactly what he feared, well, maybe not exactly, she was safe, they were all safe, but that didn't change the fact that she'd choked. It wasn't that she'd lost it, his girl was an absolute genius, injury or not. It was the pressure, the fear that maybe she couldn't do it anymore. He practiced again and again what to say to her when he got back. He'd be gentle, let her know he didn't blame her, that maybe she just needed more time, but when he heard their voices on the way down the stairs, he couldn't will himself to go anymore.

"No Diggle, don't tell me that it wasn't my fault," she cried. It was wrong for him to spy, he knew, he wasn't really trying to eavesdrop, not initially, just take a moment to go over his speech another time, but hearing them talk about what had just happened, he couldn't help but listen. "Oliver was right, I can't do this anymore."

"He said that?" Diggle asked incredulously.

"He didn't have to," Felicity replied. "And it's not like he's alone either. I've been trying so hard to prove that I'm not this broken person now, that I can bounce back from all of this."

"You can Felicity," Diggle insisted. "So you hit a snag, it's your first night back. This was never easy, not even before."

"You don't understand," She shot back. "I _am_ broken. I can't stop thinking about that night, I can't stop thinking about her, and at first I couldn't understand how Oliver could even keep going, but then I realized... maybe it's me, maybe I'm just not strong enough anymore."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, how could Felicity think for a second that she was weak? The island had made him tougher, but not stronger, he had to ignore his emotions otherwise they would consume him, he had to keep them buried or he couldn't keep going, he didn't want that for her. Her sensitivity and humanity were the things he loved most about her, they made him better too, and to know that she was ashamed of those things, there was something so wrong in that.

He couldn't go down there, he turned back around, he needed to think.

He shouldn't have let it happen, he thought to himself. That night she first took a life, he never should have let her kiss him. When he offered her an out he shouldn't have given her a choice. It would have hurt her at first, but in spite of what she thought at the moment, she was strong, she would have moved on from him, made a life for herself that didn't threaten to slowly strip away everything that made her so special, she wouldn't have suffered the heartache of losing a daughter before she even got to know her, she wouldn't have been hurt so badly. He wouldn't pretend to know exactly what was best for her, but he knew it wasn't this, it wasn't him. He was selfish, he loved Felicity more than anything, but never enough to look past his own needs. Until now.

**A Liability**

"So, does your boyfriend know that you train with me pretty much everyday?" Oliver said as Laurel went for her water, three hours of relentless fight training under her belt for the day.

"Don't worry, he isn't the least bit threatened by you," Laurel insisted. He believed it, she had been seeing a detective in her father's precinct for about five months, and every time Oliver crossed paths with him he was perfectly friendly, even with the knowledge of Oliver and Laurel's past together. "I told him you're still madly in love with your wife. Although I didnt have to, not with the whole sad sack routine you've pulled ever since you left her."

"I didn't leave Felicity," He said sharply, and probably more defensively than needed.

"You kicked her off the team Ollie," Thea chimed in. "You called her a liability. You pretty much did everything short of leaving her."

The others weren't exactly shy about how angry they were with him for how things ended up, especially Dig, considering mere hours after he comforted her and tried to make her believe Oliver thought she could handle herself, he proved the opposite by kicking her off the team. He didn't blame them, he was angry with himself too. He thought about her every minute, where she was, if she was okay, if she hated him too. It had been months since she walked out, leaving only a letter behind.

_You were right,_

_I love you._

_Felicity._

He'd searched tirelessly for her, around every corner of the city. He called everyone she knew, even her mother, she didn't leave a trace. He didn't believe that she had left at first, she never would have left without telling him where she was going. He was terrified that it was happening again, that she had been taken, but the more time had passed the more painfully obvious it became that she had left.

"It was the way it had to be," he said darkly. "It's better this way."

"Jesus Ollie, for who?" Thea shot back. "Certainly not for you, and definitely not for the rest of us. I may be better at finding handbags online than anyone I know but government secrets and crooked business practices, that's all her.

"We've been getting by," Oliver replied unconvincingly.

"We've been lucky," Thea said. "And that's only in some cases."

Things had been harder with Felicity gone, he couldn't deny that, and not just for the team, for him. It was hard to believe they had been married less than a year, because not being able to reach across his bed and pull her into his arms somehow felt completely foreign to him the first night, and every night since. It was as if she had always been there, and after she left, he couldn't shake the fact that something felt off.

"Look, I may not exactly be part of the gang," Laurel added. "But can I say something here?"

"Never stopped you before," Oliver replied with a defeated sigh.

"I think as much as you want to believe you've turned over a new leaf, you're still very much the same Ollie," She responded darkly.

"Okay, maybe we should go back to not sharing our opinions, Oliver said, annoyed.

"Please," Laurel persisted, rolling her eyes. "You didn't push her away because she was failing, you did it because you felt guilty for failing her."

He swallowed hard at the comment, not able to immediately disagree with it.

"She's right Ollie," Thea agreed. "You still blame yourself for what happened, but that wasn't your fault. That was nobody's fault but Malcolm Merlyn's."

"It was my fault Thea, all of it was my fault," Oliver said quietly.

"That isn't true," Laurel said, her voice softening.

"I could have stopped it!" He finally snapped. "I could have stopped her from getting hurt, I could have stopped all of it, but I was too damn weak and selfish to just stay away from her."

"Really Ollie," Thea said incredulously, her arms crossed, refusing to lend him an ounce of sympathy. "You really want to play that card again? Well I'm not buying it, Felicity was never happier than when she was with you."

"She was happy with someone who couldn't protect her, I swore to protect her and I couldn't," He ranted, his voice starting to break. "The first night we kissed, I offered her an out, and I could tell how much she wished she could take it, but she couldn't, because of me, because she couldn't leave me."

"Or maybe she just likes saving lives Oliver," Thea said. "Jesus not everything is about you."

"Could you not?" Laurel said to Thea before turning back to Oliver. "Ollie," Laurel said softly, walking up to him, placing a soft hand on his cheek. "I know what it's like to lose someone, to think that everything else went with them, but it didn't. Your daughter may be gone, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that you lost her, but Felicity, she's still here."

"Yeah, she's here and she loves you you big idiot," Thea added. "She loves all of us, and she never would have left if you wouldn't have made her believe she couldn't do it anymore. You need to find her."

"Except I _can't_ find her, in fact the only person who probably could find her now would be her," he reminded them. "She didn't even include a return address when she sent the divorce papers."

And with that he turned away and ascended the stairs, needing to be alone.

**Vindication**

He had to stop her, he didn't know how she had managed to trap him, the same man who cheated death and evaded capture more times than Oliver could count, but he had no time to think about that, only to keep her from doing something she'd never be able to undo. He didn't know if she was even capable of killing a man willingly, only that he hadn't spoken to her in months and that she had been so angry for so long, maybe what she was capable of had changed.

He tried not to step over the unconscious men littering the hallway, he didn't bother to check for a pulse or signs of injury, especially since the fact that she bothered to tie them up meant they could wake up at any time. Besides, those men were hardly his concern, his only concern was her.

She looked different, her hair still brown, barely grazing her neck, glasses still traded in for contact lenses (they were broken in the crash and she'd never replaced them) her bright, colorful clothes replaced with jeans and a tight gray t-shirt. he wasn't sure why, or even how he noticed, but the only thing about her that reminded him of Felicity, his Felicity, were her bright pink nails, a glimmer of hope that he hadn't lost her on the tips of her fingers, the fingers that were now wrapped around a gun pointed at a thoroughly bound Malcolm Merlyn.

"Why shouldn't I kill you?" She said, her voice as shaky as her hand. "You stole everything from me, everything!"

"It wasn't personal," Malcolm replied, his voice almost sympathetic "I had to get his attention somehow."

"By trying to kill me?" She said in disbelief. "By murdering an innocent little girl?"

"He stole my daughter first," Malcolm shot back.

"Thea was never yours!" Felicity exclaimed. "She saw past her anger and did what was right, which was to leave you, Oliver didn't steal her. And you killed our baby Malcolm, we didn't kill Thea."

"She's dead to me," Malcolm said coldly.

"Well now you can be dead to her," Felicity said with a choked sob.

"Felicity don't" He pleaded with her then, slowly approaching her, his voice soft, gentle, and as she looked at him, the look in her eyes was one of shock, but not anger, not all of the anger she should have felt toward him for everything he did to her.

"Look who decided to join the party," Malcolm said enthusiastically, "I was wondering when you'd show up."

"How did you do this?" Oliver said, he knew it was a question best saved for later, but the longer she could keep from pulling the trigger, the better.

"Remotely disabled his security system, waited until the house was empty and rigged the place with fentanyl bombs."

"Smart girl," he said with a warm smile.

"Oliver," she said her voice soft.

"What is it sweetheart?"

"I..."

He inched closer to her then, placing a hand on her hair. "Tell me."

"You came for me?" She said then.

"Of course I came for you, I'll always come for you Felicity," he explained.

"Really, you're going to do this here?" Malcolm said mockingly.

"Shut up!" they shouted toward him in unison before turning to face each other again.

"How did you know?"

"You were at the foundry, you didn't even try to hide it," He continued. He never expected her to come back, so convinced that she didn't want to be found, but the evidence she'd left behind after stealing what she needed, it was clear she wanted him to find her, maybe even to stop her. Either way she got his attention that night. "You can't do this baby," he continued, thumbing away her tears as her eyes squeezed shut, forcing more out. "I know he deserves it, I know that if anyone deserves to die, it's him, but you can't do it."

He wasn't sure what to expect, whether she would fight him, yell at him, fruitlessly try to hit him, but she did none of those things, at his words her arm dropped, and she wilted in defeat.

"I know," she sobbed. "I've been pointing this gun for thirty minutes and I can't pull the damn trigger, I can't. This sonofabitch killed our daughter and I can't kill him, I can't do it."

He pulled her into his arms then, letting her cry as he held her and stroked her hair.

"It's okay, it's alright," he whispered softly to her. "Remember what you taught me? There's always another choice, that was you, why would I want to change that? Why would I want to change you?"

"Because I'm weak," She replied tearfully. "Because I'm broken."

"You're not, don't ever say that," he assured her. "You're the strongest person I know, you're strong enough _not_ to kill him, that's what I love about you Felicity."

"But you said I was a liability," She reminded him, the words stinging a little.

"I didn't mean that," he said truthfully. "I didn't, I promise." She squeezed him tighter, as if the last several months had never happened, as if she had never sent those papers. "You know I'm an idiot Felicity, that I push people away, I always have."

"And I let you," she replied. "But I screwed up, because I've never missed anybody the way I missed you." she cried, her voice muffled by his jacket. And knowing it was neither the time nor the place, but unable to help himself, he kissed her, first on her tear streaked face, then her trembling mouth. And he would have to tell her when they got back that it was like coming home.

"If this little marital crisis is over can we maybe get back to what you were planning to do with me?"

At the sound on his voice they broke the kiss, turning back to face him.

"You tried to have my wife killed, you murdered our daughter," He said through clenched teeth. "You're lucky I don't kill you right now."

"To be fair I didn't know she was your wife, no rings, no public record, I have to hand it to you, you were very careful, but it was a little harder to hide how protective you were of that baby Oliver, everyone noticed, it was almost too easy."

He never turned down an opportunity to get a rise out of Oliver, and it had almost worked, he'd thought about killing him himself, again and again, actually came pretty close once or twice, but his anger had made him sloppy, made it that much easier for Malcolm to escape. Not this time.

"I think ARGUS might know what to do with him," Oiver said coldly.

**Home**

"Where have you been all this time?" he asked her as she blotted her damp hair with a towel.

"I found a place in Faucet city," she answered. "Small, secluded, good for working some things out."

"Like a way to defeat Malcolm Merlyn?" He guessed.

"Not exactly healthy, I know," she said with a bit of a chuckle.

"Well, I suppose it is for us," he replied.

"I just felt like if I could keep my mind on something, on some insane purpose I wouldn't completely fall apart over everything that had went wrong, so I planned it all out, how I would disable the system, how I would program the bombs to go off at exactly the right time, the only thing I didn't consider was how hard it would be to pull that trigger."

"I'm glad you didn't," he said. "You're better than that, you're better than me, always have been."

She smiled weakly at him, reaching over to grab his hand.

"Will you stay?" Oliver asked softly. "With me?"

"You had me at hello," she said warmly. "Well, I guess technically you had me at 'Felicity, stop!' but you know what I mean."

He kissed her then pulling her closer with both hands and letting her loop her arms around his neck, getting used to him again. As they parted she turned away, a little, running her hands down his shoulders and chest before placing her hands in her lap again, looking down at her fingers, thinking over all of the things she wanted to say to him while she was gone.

"I never got to hold her," she said quietly after a few moments. "Our baby, I was in a coma when she was born, I never even got to see her."

She looked back up at him then, noticing that there was a look in his eyes that she couldn't quite place.

"I did," he finally said. "I held her."

On some level she knew he must have, he was there when it happened, he was there for the 42 hours she was alive, but she had never asked him.

"She couldn't move," Oliver said, his voice choked, "And she was so… she was so small and she…"

It was the first time he ever cried in front of her, she didn't say a word, didn't expect him to, she just held him as he cried, held him until they both fell asleep.

**Epilogue**

It looked the same, she noticed as she circled the foundry, and she supposed she did too after all was said and done, the therapy sessions helped, she left out everything about team Arrow and the fact that the car accident wasn't an accident of course, but it was nice to talk to someone about the baby, about the divorce, about everything else.

"So, I see the blonde is back," Diggle said happily.

"Do you mean my hair color or is that just what you're calling me now?" She said, subconciously touching a newly blonde lock.

"Can't it be both?" Diggle said, wrapping Felicity up in a strong hug which she enthusiastically returned.

"So, you ready for this?"

She took a look around her old home away from home, her precious computer system, the salmon ladder, her soon to be ex ex-husband descending the stairs toward her, smiling at her with so much love, and as she smiled back she said.

"You Know Diggle, I think I always was."

**That's All Folks!**


End file.
